On 1:1s - Know thy audience
What one says is not what another person hears. Understand how your audience likes to communicate and apply that when structuring your 1:1.
This is an article written for an audience interested in learning about how to make most of one on one meetings with their manager or peers. Comic credit: Damien Clark
👋 Hello! I didn’t know what a 1:1 was until I moved to Silicon Valley. I was told by our amazing recruiter that my internal manager would have a 1:1 with me soon. “A one on what? Sounds like a duel?? Can’t be” I thought to myself. Too embarrassed to reveal that I had no idea what she meant by a 1:1, I decided to wait and see it for myself. Since then I have spent hours organizing, attending and sometimes even cancelling (not a good idea unless absolutely needed!) 1:1s. It took me years to realize that no matter who organized the 1:1, it was ultimately my responsibility to manage my time effectively. I also learnt that the key to an effective 1:1 was understanding who my audience was and how they preferred to communicate.
What we say is often not what another person hears. Just as at the heart of Influence is trust, at the heart of an effective 1:1 is knowing how your audience communicates.
There is no one size fits all for an effective 1:1. When it comes to effective 1:1s, this becomes particularly important. People’s communication styles vary knowing how the other person communicates is key to building effective 1:1s.
Here is a primer on how.
First the basics - What does holding an effective 1:1 really mean?
You might come out of a 1:1 feeling great while that sentiment may not be shared by the other person. It is important to align on the purpose and what success looks like. The best way to do this is to ask the other person how they would like to use this time and what a successful conversation looks like to them. Then listen attentively to what they say. This will give you insight into what a successful conversation looks like for them and realign your expectations. The best 1:1s make both parties feel like it was a great use of their time.
Some common assumptions when it comes to 1:1s:
My manager already knows what I am doing
Talk about whatever is on my manager’s mind
1:1s are always about sharing and giving feedback
I already talk to my manager and peers frequently, the 1:1 is not really much different or important
Important types of 1:1s:
One with your manager - Show up consistently and make sure you meet your manager regularly. Never skip a 1:1 with your manager, it is easily to get misaligned pretty quickly.
One with your manager’s manager (if you have one) - Schedule 1:1 for a regular cadence. Check with your audience on how frequent they would like this.
One with your immediate peers/stakeholders - Schedule 1:1s with immediate peers and stakeholders, especially those who will participate in giving you peer feedback during performance cycle. These 1:1s will help your audience understand you and your work thus helping when they write your peer feedback.
Understanding as different communication styles:
Created by psychologist William Moulton Marston, the DISC profile provides a framework on how people prefer to communicate and behave. The four predominant styles are:
Dominance : Prefer minimal small talk, clearly laid out agenda, care about using time very efficiently to make decisions. If this is the person’s style, consider coming to the meeting prepared with an agenda and clearly defined goals on what you would like to discuss.
Influence : Prefer to be more expressive about their lives and work. If this is the person’s style, consider spending more time listening and factoring what your audience shares with topics you want to discuss.
Steadiness: Prefer to use meeting time as a way to learn about each other and discuss topics. If this is the person’s style, consider allocating a few minutes at the start of the meeting to connect genuinely on topics at work or otherwise. There are plenty of other topics to discuss than weather. Try asking them about their spouse, hobbies, what they enjoy reading or eating etc.
Conscientiousness: Prefer to go into details during meeting time and come prepared. If this is the person’s style, consider coming prepared to the meeting with no more than 1-2 topics of discussion. Focus your conversation on discussing and aligning on a particular topic before moving to the next one.
How to understand someone’s communication style at work:
Irrespective of whether the meeting is with a manager, manager’s manager or peer, understand how they like to discuss information. Once you understand their communication styles, it will become much easier to figure out how to structure the 1:1s. Ask the following questions during a 1:1 to plan them more effectively:
How do you like to communicate?
What does an effective 1:1 look like for you?
Do you prefer we set an agenda before the meeting?
I would love it if we spoke about XYZ (list your goals here), how does that sound?
How do you like to get information? Do you prefer to read, listen or watch examples?
[If to a manager or manager’s manager] How would the team describe your communication style?
Interesting Read
If you haven’t already and are interested in diving deeper, check out the all time classic How to win friends and influence. While it focuses on a broader topic of interpersonal relationships and influencing, I found it very useful in terms of applying some of the knowledge to conversations during 1:1s.
Key Takeaways
What success looks like varies. Ask your audience what they see is an effective 1:1,
What one says is not what another person hears. Understand how your audience likes to communicate and apply that when structuring your 1:1.
Questions?
If you have a specific situation you want to get advice on, please email me at zainabg@gmail.com. I’ll tackle a few reader questions (and keep your identity anonymous)
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